Ray’s Rants of the Week

There are many things in this world that we want. For example, we may want a car, or we might want the latest and greatest technology. There are, however, things we need in life. Air is a necessity; so is water. Another need in life is food. Food—such an important thing for life, but which many take for granted. Many “Third World” countries are loaded with people who have to scrounge for their daily meals. Hell, there are homeless people in this country who don’t know where their next meal is coming from. Then there are those who will spend hundreds to thousands of dollars on some lavish meal. Rich or poor, food is required to live.

But what constitutes food varies from place to place. Some countries eat horse, dog, cat or even kangaroo. Some people eat strictly salads, fish, or avoid anything animal-based completely. There are people who will eat rather bizarre things like insects, or eat something truly dangerous like puffer fish (which are deadly if not prepared correctly). What one person considers a delicacy, another finds repulsive. One food that is considered a societal norm may not be preferred—or even despised—by certain people.

I consider myself one of these latter people. I love some foods, but others that seemingly everyone loves, I won’t touch with a ten-foot pole. Take, for example, steak. I love a rare to medium-rare steak. Vegetarians are disgusted by that thought. Some people love their steak cooked beyond recognition, causing whatever taste or sense that it even once resembled meat to vanish.🤮 Give me a slice of cheesecake (plain or with a simple fruit topping🤤) anytime, but don’t make me eat caramel or German chocolate cake. Other chocolate cakes are fine, just not that icky coconut-pecan laden atrocity.

It seems that almost everyone in this country loves things like American cheese, macaroni and cheese, gummy bears, pasta in general, rice, root beer, root beer (or other soda) floats, maple syrup with eggs or bacon, or even plain white milk. These foods I cannot stomach. There is a reason for my dislike of these. Let’s start with American cheese. It’s not even real cheese! It has some cheddar or Colby solids, but there’s a lot of oil and other crap in it. It smells nasty and resembles plastic. Real cheese doesn’t melt in the same way. Mac & cheese and most pastas make me want to gag. The texture it leaves in my mouth is unbearable, and I immediately want to throw it up. The same goes for marshmallows and gummy anything. I do like lasagna, though; and if I do eat spaghetti, it has to have tons of sauce and cheese.

Rice, to me, resembles a bowl of maggots. Root beer tastes like cough syrup, and I don’t like the foamy crap that is a float. I’ll have the ice cream and the soda separately, but not in the same container.

Maple syrup is great on pancakes, waffles or French toast, but separate it from the savory stuff, please. Same goes with French fries with Wendy’s Frosty. I enjoy each separately, but I loathe using the fries as a spoon. Ew. I savor a glass of chocolate milk occasionally, or eat cold cereal with milk. To drink just plain white milk, though, just won’t happen. I had a bad experience once in school. Sometime around 40 years ago, in the first grade, the milk I received with my lunch was spoiled. If I’m not mistaken, I threw it up, and the bad taste stayed with me intensely for that day. Fast-forward to the present, and I still think plain milk has that rotten taste to it.

Certain people will agree with me (and some disagree) that pineapple is a great complement to a pizza. Hawaiian-style pizzas (ham and pineapple) are delicious. Gordon Ramsay would disagree, but he can go stick with his Beef Wellingtons. Please don’t ruin a pizza by adding mushrooms or black olives! Once upon a time, Taco Bell added olives to its Burrito Supreme. I got a taste of that, and instantly regretted it. You can have my share of briny olives or pickles. Raw cucumbers are awesome, whether on a salad or dipped in dressing. Once they’re pickled, you won’t catch me consuming them.

And what’s the deal with the FDA saying “oh, don’t eat raw cake batter or cookie dough; you might get sick with salmonella”? I’ve been tasting cake and brownie batter and eating cookie dough for over 40 years, and I’ve never gotten sick from them once. Personally, I think it’s just the government trying to interfere with my enjoyment of certain tasty things in life. To the government, I say, “Screw you! Don’t tell me how to live my life!” 🖕

Are there any foods that everyone seems to like, that you can’t stand? Do you like something that a lot of people think is weird? Why don’t we share some of these interesting tidbits?

Go, have a drink, eat a nice meal and enjoy yourself. Always remember: be safe and be well.